Time Has Passed

It has been so incredibly long since I have blogged. Sometimes I believe I have forgotten how to write, and because of that there is rot encased in my mind. Words and stories that never get out begin to decompose in my mind, leaving me helpless to the toxins they infest me with. I find myself afraid to write, too much truth in words. However safe is not who I ever wanted to be. I can’t deal with the stench any longer. I need to get the rot out. I need to feel some freedom somewhere in my life to speak the scary parts of my mind. However writing stories that are abandoned to my laptops many folders makes me feel even more caged. Again though, writing makes you vulnerable, it’s like stripping naked in front of a crowed and saying “here it all is, what do you think”.
It is late tonight. My mind has lost reason and is simply screaming for release. The tight little box I shove it in, has become open. Night is never good for me. I can remember times when I would write till I had nothing left in the late hours of the night. That was before, that was when nothing I could write would hurt anyone. Nothing I could write would damage anyone but myself. Now I have responsibilities, and have been burned enough times to be wise enough to hide. Yet one of my brutal flaws is honesty. I open myself up for rejection and judgment on a regular basis, with the worse people. Being taught human beings are good is the worst thing to do to a child. Very few people are worth the time, and that’s even more dangerous because their judgments and rejections hurt even more.
I am ranting and not making any sense. I cannot decide what to do. To write or not to write? Who knows, it’s late, and my mind may be different in the morning.
Now the question, if I do decide to write, do I rid this blog of my older childish blogs, filled with little that I am now? Or do I leave them be for comparison? This will all seem so unimportant in the morning.