Bored

Im hiding in the world inside my head and I am completely aware of it. Indulging in my fantasy world were I control all outcomes. Im spending so much time there, away from my friends and family because its boring.
Im bored. I have no objectives, I have nothing to work toward to try and capture. I put my mask on and walk into the life around me without the goal of wanting to take it off. That's usually the goal. We feel like we can’t live without are mask’s but more so we know we can’t live with them. We long to be naked and free. So we search for a person who we long to accept us and love our nakedness as we want to show them we will love theirs. That's the goal, that's the objective.
As of right now Im bored because I honestly don’t care if the people that are around right now see the naked me or not. I don’t feel the want to be vulnerable with any of them. I don’t want to capture any of their attention.
They don’t intrigue me. They don’t have the mystery I desperately seek to find just so it can mystify me. I want to explore and see if I can captivate the unattainable. Right now there is nothing I wish to attain. Im bored. So I live in my head were maybe I can find some mystery some were. I analyze myself and my motives and my wants. Trying to go deeper and deeper into myself just to find something of interest and remembering that I don’t have anyone I care to share this with who would be captivated by it and go back to being bored again.
In my boredom with life I have become a health freak. There's nothing better to do so why not try and reach physical perfection...well maybe not quite that far but almost. So when the time comes and my interest is sparked again and I have some mystery I want to try and obtain at least the outside will meet all the standards. So I fill my bored with sweat and fruit.
I don’t have the want to take any risk in the relationships around me. I feel as if it would be pointless because I could not obtain any unconditional love from it. There are those who are my best friends and Im always open with and naked with. However they are safe and comfortable, this good for the relationship I have with them.
Though Im a person who loves uncomfortableness, who loves confrontation and excitement. Who loves to take risk when maybe, just maybe this risk might be the risk were I capture all I hope to.
There is no such risk to be taken at the moment. I don’t desire to take that risk for a while now. Im still recovering for the last time I took that plunge. So Im bored. I have nothing to fight for nothing in reality that sparks my being to come alive to the fullest. So Im here writing blogs and eating salads. Living in my head and rotting with the dead decaying hopes inside of me. Im bored.......